As I lay in bed Friday 11/25/11, 1:33 am, Thanksgiving Day has come to an end. And as the holidays inspire me to do every year, I am laying here reflecting on the year which has passed and the range of emotions I feel is amazing to me. Sheer elation- the birth of the most precious gift I have ever been given, to extreme sadness in a bizarre way which I never could have understood until I gave birth to my child. I think about last year, how we announced to our families that we were expecting, about how we talked that maybe he would be crawling by Christmas this year, and how unbelievable that all seemed at the time. And this year, how I marvel that by this time next year he will be walking, and talking- reaching out his chubby little arms for hugs, maybe blowing kisses and smiling when he tastes a dessert that he likes. It's the truest definition of "bittersweet".
While I eagerly anticipate seeing my son grow, change, thrive, and develop personality- it breaks my heart utterly and completely at the same time. I see him changing before my very eyes, and I feel like time is slipping through my fingers the same as a handful of sand which you can not hold onto. One day, many years from now, maybe I'll look back on this writing and wonder how so much time has elapsed between now- and then. Maybe Greyson will be driving his first car, or harder yet (for me ;), anticipating moving away to college in the summer.
Parents always say, "your kids teach YOU things you never understood"… I have only been a parent for five months, my son can't even talk, and he is already teaching me about life. How precious life is. How short life is. Before he came into my life, I can say that I always tried to live in the moment, yet failed hopelessly. Constantly wishing time away for the next vacation, for a test to be over, for a wedding to happen ;), for a son to be born. Thanks to my son, I am finally able to live in the moment for the first time in my life. He has taught me to enjoy the little things all over again, seeing the world through the eyes of babe- with no agenda, no schedule, no stressors- just love and hope. I am cherishing to the best of my ability every second spent with him and it feels amazing. Happy Holidays!
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| Then |
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| ....And now. |
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