Stressful Situations...

So- the Grey's finale tonight... I think my heart skipped a beat at least 20 different times. Such a stressful yet awesome episode. For those of you who don't watch, long story short, mourning husband whose wife was "murdered" by the hospital was out for revenge against the Docs responsible, and he systematically gunned down anyone who got in his way. Of course there were many twists and turns and many questions drudged up during the season were answered, some were not. Many ppl died in the shootings- all of whom were hospital employees... rather morbid and graphic and somewhat disturbing. And yet, I was spellbound. People around the country were glued. (i know because their facebook statuses said so, ha) And so I ask, why do we love violent TV? Yes it had drama and romance all intertwined, but still, very violent. If I were a psychoanalyzer I would probably say something along the lines of "it allows us to confront our worst nightmares and role play from a safe vantage point". Probably true considering the whole time I was wondering who I'd be. Who would you be? What guy are you in the emergency? Are you Bailey- shocked into silence, paralyzed by fear, ready to say whatever to get out of the line of fire? (which incidentally I thought the whole "are you a surgeon" "no I'm a nurse" thing envoked a little bit of Columbine "are you a Christian" thing which to me, seemed a little bit like a cheap shot...) Or are you Meredith- the self offering sacrificial lamb, the martyr. Maybe you're the Derek Shephard- the peacemaker, smooth talking, quick thinking on your feet, ever prepared guy. There are so many different reactions which people have to situations in which they feel powerless, fearful, terrorized. I think we (as a society) enjoy watching stuff like this because it does allow us to sort through emotions about events which we hear about, but can't imagine experiencing for ourselves. I think particularly for those of us who are in the medical field and confronted with life and death, emergencies, and morbid events daily- it is a particularly gratifying way to confront our emotions. Because it's not real. When it is real, you have to develop an emotional shield, if you will, because without it- you couldn't do your job. You couldn't make rational decisions about what's best for your patient. This is also why many people don't want to treat their own family members. Especially in a "high stakes" type situation and maybe even non-emergent. Can you make the best decision for someone you love?? Probably not in many cases. In order to be the best provider to our patients we have to emotionally distance to some extent, yet not too much, and that is a very fine line. Anyway- I'm rambling, and probably taking this way too deep but it just makes me question myself when I find myself enjoying such a dark tv show. At least I know I'm not the only "dark and twisty" person out there, thanks facebook! ; ) At the end of the show I decided who I'd want to be though, I'd want to be Owen I think. The guy that distracts, tries to mediate, and is willing to "die with his boots on". You know, the guy that won't go down without a fight, and will fight to the death for the person you love. I'd want to be the guy that says "let's roll" on the plane, and the girl that says "yes, I'm a Christian". Even not in emergent situations we can be "that guy" everyday though. Being reminded of our mortality encourages us to be better EVERY day because you never know if tomorrow will come, none of us are promised a tomorrow. So you gotta (sing along with me...)liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiveeee like your dyinnnn.... And on that note, g'night all! ;o)

Goodbye PA school, hello real world!

Today was the closing of one chapter, and the beginning of a new one. I can't believe all that has changed in my life the past four years: I moved to Indy, went to Butler, took a leave of absence, met my future husband, went BACK to Butler, suffered excessively (haha), studied excessively, whined excessively, powered through the didactic years- meanwhile planning my wedding, began my clinical rotations, MARRIED my husband, adopted a sister for Prissy- a sassy little persian named Foxy Amore, went on rotations, re-enforced my unwavering love for complementary medicine and all things "outside the box" on my elective rotation with Dr. G, took and passed 7 EOR exams, which leads me to my graduation today. It has been a long and winding road for sure, and only with the love and support of my friends and family and awesome husband did I make it. So many times I wanted to drop out and give up, so many tears cried, so much stress and angst, but I made it- and it feels amazing. It is still all very surreal. I am so thankful and feel so blessed by the opportunities I've had thus far in life.

Third Date Jitters!!

So, today is the third date. The point where one must make a decision on whether a relationship is going anywhere... or not. Our first date went pretty well, conversation was good, he gave me a nice scalp massage, and everything turned out great. Second date I was left a bit disillusioned when he... sigh... made me brassy. That's right. My hair was an undeniable shade of orange brass. You see, finding the right hairdresser is kind of like finding a significant other. It's a very important, sometimes lifelong relationship and commitment! There needs to be trust, mutual respect, and camraderie in this relationship. I have had a hairdresser down in Brown County who I love (Cindy) but it is just a pain in the toosh to drive all that way, and let's be honest, my hair really suffers for it. So I randomly picked a salon off the internet that is in Broadripple (nice and close) and has the cheapest prices I can find (still not cheap). This is the first time I have ever gone to a male hairdresser, no big differences from what I can tell thus far. Maybe a bit less chatty/gossipy, which is AOk with me, hey I just wanna enjoy my mint infused scalp rub not hear about your mom's bunion surgery.... aight?? Like I said, my first visit was great. He did well with the color, no brass and didn't look like a dye job. Trim was that, just a trim, he didn't go hog wild and take off 10 inches as hairdressers sometimes interpret "just a trim". The second visit was not so good. Way too much hair going into the foils... (I could tell while he was doing it, WHY didn't I speak up?!) and like I said, orange enough to inspire a 12 piece brass band into a rousing version of Handel's Messiah. My favorite part is when hairdresser's tell you, "let's go outside and look at it" #(*%&)(&)(#&)#&%?!?!?!?!?! Go OUTSIDE and look at it?! It's friggin February and there has been snow on the ground for a month straight? I don't DO outside right now, so if I have to go outside for it to look OK- that's STILL not good enough! lol. They must teach them that line in beauty school. It never makes a difference anyway, although maybe to get out of the chemical laden air you are currently hyperventilating and into some fresh O2. ugh. If homeboy turns me orange today I am cutting all ties. Will head back to my previous relationship, so what if I'm stuck in a rut, sometimes you gotta stick with what works, and is just that familiar "comfortableness" that goes along with the "ex" territory. ;-) This pic was taken in Feb. after visit #2, thankfully at this point the sun bleached out some of the "orangeyness" (we were in the Bahamas which is why I actually got my hair done in the first place)

In the beginning...

A blog began. I have been resistant (and by resistant, what I mean to say is I've started one 3 times and abandoned them somewhere between posts 1 and 3) to this "blog business" d/t my busy schedule and tendency to NOT stick with projects. Growing up in a family of 8-- things like journals and the such were very risky business and potential fodder for blackmail. However, now that I have completed PA school and will have considerably more time on my hands, I thought this would be a fun way to document this time in our lives. If you wondering who "our" refers to, that would be my amazing hubby, Chris. Not sure what I will write about here, likely whatever happens to be on my mind. Maybe a little bit of a travel journal as Chris and I aspire to see much of the world as possible before we think about ushering some mini-me's into the world. Dunno, just gonna go with it and see how this blogosphere unfolds before me :) We'll end blog post #1 with a pic of me and the hubs.

Isn't he just the most adorable creature you've ever laid eyes on? ;o)